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The Art Of Surrender

“Let go or be dragged.” ~ Zen proverb

Four weeks ago the LWP partners began our customary quarterly partners retreat at a Hyatt in Atlanta at 9 a.m. sharp. We began the day in customary fashion, after Dave ensured that we had a mealtime plan, by analyzing our quarterly goals. We carefully reviewed who is doing what to reach goal, our money plan from the previous quarter and then where we have nobody leading.

Bigstock-White-flag-old-style-vector-54229970Like all businesses, marketing was where the spotlight shined loud and clear. What I appreciate about our collective skill sets is how quickly we are able to shift from driver mode right into solution mode. We revisited hiring outside consultants, as we have done in the past. It would take at least six months to get them up and running; plus, how do we find someone who understands the dynamic of an estate and elder law firm vs. a hunt and kill mindset at all cost?

At the end of the day we agreed that I would go full-time into marketing. I am naturally the best person to lead this, and the organization needs me to lead it, own it and nurture it.

I’m not going to lie – I resisted. Hard. My control freak showed up immediately:  “I know (control freaks always know best) that X will happen,” “Who’s going to lead Y,” “Who’s going to coach Z,” “We have been making such great progress on Z, I can’t just abandon ’em now.”

I finally GOT IT. I have been working with team members for 17 years, hearing the exact same words when their attorneys ask them to step up and replace themselves. I never fully understood what the root of the resistance was. Now I get it.

The hesitation does not stem solely from fear and the unknown aspects of change. It’s not just fear of what’s next and whether the team member can actually pull it off. Sure, the uncertainty is a big piece, and fear of failure has a giant room at the inn as well.  But in all honesty, the biggest piece comes down to leaving with a feeling of abandonment – abandoning the team, the clients and what you have taken personal pride in developing and perfecting. It’s the essence of, “I said I would do this and I gave it my all and now I’m leaving the baby. Do they have all they need to make certain this doesn’t nosedive?”

So we resist, we justify that “they need me” and we attempt to control the situation, instead of investing in how we are going to become the next, better version of ourselves and create a better version of the business. Dang it, there it is again, that 2mm shift.

But if we can detach from the logistics of how what we are currently doing will get done, and anchor to how we are going to step into our new role/world/life, the art of surrendering begins.

As soon as I got on the plane, I got to work. I looked at what I am doing non-marketing-related and to whom I can responsibly shift it over. I quickly came up with a suggested transition plan. I pulled out our marketing plan, the money plan, and realized not only that I can do this, but that I am very much the best person for the job. I can do this, and I will do this. I sat for the next two hours and 20 minutes while trapped on the plane and mentally surrendered to letting go of what was, to allow the new reality to permeate, and to embrace the sense of excitement, along with a healthy level of challenge.

But I couldn’t do it without detaching first and allowing for the possibility of what’s next to unfold. Yes, I know this is a skill and it must be practiced, daily. And it is never, ever mastered. But like my good friend Candee always says, “You must be willing to try it on.”

That honestly is the process for giving up control and the art of surrendering. It’s simply one small step (emotions, logistics and movement) at a time. And then you can course a realistic present and a future path and plan. Eventually you find your new normal.  And that’s really the story of growth.

Molly L. Hall, Co-Founder, Lawyers with Purpose, LLC, and author of Don’t Be a Yes Chick: How to Stop Babysitting Your Boss, Transform Your Job and Work with a Dream Team Without Losing Your Sanity or Your Spirit in the Process.

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Equanimity – Lawyers With Purpose

There is a famous quote by theologian Reinhold Niebuhr that says, “God, give us the grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, the courage to change the things which should be changed, and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.” 

For the past three years in the month of January, I have enrolled in a 40 day challenge through my yoga studio. The premise of the challenge is based on the book “40 Days to a Personal Revolution” by Baron Baptiste. The 40 day program integrates physical, nutritional and mental exercises, all with the goal of leading us to a place of greater clarity and presence. I have yet to complete the 40 day challenge and come out as the same person I was at the beginning.

Bigstock-Take-A-Break-46486348Throughout the program we work with Baptiste's “12 Laws of Transformation.” This week we are working with “Equanimity.

 

Baptiste explains equanimity as “the art of meeting life as it meets you – calmly, without drama or fuss.” It got me thinking about the day-to-day life of working in a small/non-corporate/family-like office environment. It’s impossibly easy to get reactive when we feel like we aren’t in control. It happens in a million small (and big) ways throughout the day. You overhear the DOFI (LWP terms = "Director of First Impressions") telling the client X, the boss takes his or her lack of X out on the team, our kids act up, we have a slammed day with tons of money appointments on the books when a snowstorm shuts down the town. We react. And it all has a trickle-down effect with an endless cycle of stress, reactivity and blame. But we don’t get out of the cycle by wrestling for control. It’s all in how we handle it.

We think we can change things by taking charge, by “grabbing the bull by the horns.” But, as Baptiste says, “If you think about it, grabbing a bull by the horns would be a crazy thing to do.” We change by finding equanimity and learning to relax right in the middle of conflict-filled moments. And THAT is where those in our lives mirror what they witness. There is a saying you hear endlessly at LWP, “So go the coach, so go the coachee.”

We all known there are innumerable things we cannot change – we all witness that too many times throughout our day. I am learning this week, through working on equanimity, that when I give myself the permission to stop and pause, to be still, I actually do have the ability to accept the things I cannot change. With the team member I have been personally investing my time to “coach” and realizing I want it more than she does,  I am able to instantly and humbly admit that willpower and ego are ultimately ineffective over the reality. And then I let go. And in essence, that is equanimity. It is the way out of frustration and force. I’m learning – IN REAL TIME – this week that resisting and control only lead to more struggle, and I am experiencing how to move through them from a less reactive space. No matter what arises.

 Here’s a question: Can you see yourself as the person on a sinking ship who maintains composure, allowing you to help save the lives of others on board? I invite you to stop and power down for a few minutes and jot down where you may be holding on a bit too tightly for control, which is always harder and much more work. And think about where you can find equanimity. Because the power to do so can summon courage and save lives – yours, your team's, your business's and those of everyone you impact in your community.

Molly L. Hall, Co-Founder, Lawyers with Purpose, LLC, and author of Don’t Be a Yes Chick: How to Stop Babysitting Your Boss, Transform Your Job and Work with a Dream Team Without Losing Your Sanity or Your Spirit in the Process.