I Am Not Afraid…

I hate conflict.  Yes, I am a lawyer and, no, I do not like conflict.  When I was a child, I was extremely withdrawn and shy.  My mother left my father, brother and me when I was two years old. My father remarried when I was six, and my stepmother was very strong in personality and discipline.  That same year, my mother committed suicide. I learned that if I kept my head down and my mouth shut, I would be left alone.  I learned to avoid conflict. But, in exchange, I never learned how to express myself or my feelings.  In high school, I was forced to write journals and took that opportunity to push the limits on sharing my feelings, but without confrontation.  These behaviors served me well when I enlisted in the United States Air Force. Keep your head down, say “Yes, sir” and keep your mouth shut otherwise. 

Because of that, when I started my law practice right out of law school, I was woefully unprepared to manage a business with employees. I was not initially great at hiring employees. I was even worse at firing them.

I was afraid of hurting their feelings. I was afraid they would not find a new job (which made me feel responsible for their financial demise). I was afraid I would not find a suitable replacement. I was afraid they would quit before I was ready to fire them.  I was afraid of running my business without them. But most of all, I was afraid to even discuss small problems with them. 

For example, when an employee was coming in late regularly, instead of raising this issue, I would internally justify that they were working over lunch or working late. While that sounds reasonable, it isn’t, actually, because the other employees get the perception that it is OK to come in late.  Everyone then starts to dribble into the office at their own discretion.  Consistency is gone.  Efficiency is gone. Eventually, morale is gone.

Over the years, I have read a lot of books on hiring and firing. That helped tremendously. But what helped more was the moment when I realized that, while I was trying to avoid external conflict with my associates and team members, I was actually in a ton of internal conflict with myself.  The internal conflict carried a lot of stress and negative baggage that continued to build each day as I “kept my head down and my mouth shut” until I imploded. Implosion destroys relationships, and it is not constructive.

Today, for many reasons, to include the fact that I have learned through the systems and processes of Lawyers with Purpose to run my law practice like a business and take the “emotional” equation out of it, I am no longer afraid of having constructive discussions with my team, together or individually.  When I am experiencing internal conflict, so are they.  Someone needs to be the leader to initiate these difficult but necessary conversations. In many cases, the issue will be beautifully resolved and jobs maintained. In other cases, when team members leave, it is best for both the firm and the former employee. 

Without the conflict, we can all better focus our energy on productivity and profitability. I am no longer afraid. Now, I challenge myself to have the conversation swiftly and confidently that leads to success.  If you are like I was, in addition to becoming a part of the Lawyers with Purpose community that can support you, I recommend you do two things:

1. Read Dan S. Kennedy’s “No B.S. Ruthless Management of People and Profits: No Holds Barred, Kick Butt, Take-No-Prisoners Guide to Really Getting Rich”, available on Amazon.com; and
   
2. Before each necessary conversation, say to yourself:  This is to OUR success!

Training on how to actually initiate and conduct safe conversations was presented at the Lawyers with Purpose Tri-Annual Retreat in St. Louis last week. To grow the strength of your team to improve efficiency and profitability, join Lawyers with Purpose!  https://www.lawyerswithpurpose.com/Join-LWP.php

Victoria L. Collier, Co-Founder, Lawyers with Purpose, LLC, www.LawyersWithPurpose.com; Certified Elder Law Attorney through the National Elder Law Foundation; Fellow of the National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys; Founder and  Managing  Attorney of The Elder & Disability Law Firm of Victoria L. Collier, PC, www.ElderLawGeorgia.com; Co-Founder of Veterans Advocates Group of America; entrepreneur; author; and nationally renowned presenter.