There is a famous quote by theologian Reinhold Niebuhr that says, “God, give us the grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, the courage to change the things which should be changed, and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.”
For the past three years in the month of January, I have enrolled in a 40 day challenge through my yoga studio. The premise of the challenge is based on the book “40 Days to a Personal Revolution” by Baron Baptiste. The 40 day program integrates physical, nutritional and mental exercises, all with the goal of leading us to a place of greater clarity and presence. I have yet to complete the 40 day challenge and come out as the same person I was at the beginning.
Throughout the program we work with Baptiste's “12 Laws of Transformation.” This week we are working with “Equanimity.”
Baptiste explains equanimity as “the art of meeting life as it meets you – calmly, without drama or fuss.” It got me thinking about the day-to-day life of working in a small/non-corporate/family-like office environment. It’s impossibly easy to get reactive when we feel like we aren’t in control. It happens in a million small (and big) ways throughout the day. You overhear the DOFI (LWP terms = "Director of First Impressions") telling the client X, the boss takes his or her lack of X out on the team, our kids act up, we have a slammed day with tons of money appointments on the books when a snowstorm shuts down the town. We react. And it all has a trickle-down effect with an endless cycle of stress, reactivity and blame. But we don’t get out of the cycle by wrestling for control. It’s all in how we handle it.
We think we can change things by taking charge, by “grabbing the bull by the horns.” But, as Baptiste says, “If you think about it, grabbing a bull by the horns would be a crazy thing to do.” We change by finding equanimity and learning to relax right in the middle of conflict-filled moments. And THAT is where those in our lives mirror what they witness. There is a saying you hear endlessly at LWP, “So go the coach, so go the coachee.”
We all known there are innumerable things we cannot change – we all witness that too many times throughout our day. I am learning this week, through working on equanimity, that when I give myself the permission to stop and pause, to be still, I actually do have the ability to accept the things I cannot change. With the team member I have been personally investing my time to “coach” and realizing I want it more than she does, I am able to instantly and humbly admit that willpower and ego are ultimately ineffective over the reality. And then I let go. And in essence, that is equanimity. It is the way out of frustration and force. I’m learning – IN REAL TIME – this week that resisting and control only lead to more struggle, and I am experiencing how to move through them from a less reactive space. No matter what arises.
Here’s a question: Can you see yourself as the person on a sinking ship who maintains composure, allowing you to help save the lives of others on board? I invite you to stop and power down for a few minutes and jot down where you may be holding on a bit too tightly for control, which is always harder and much more work. And think about where you can find equanimity. Because the power to do so can summon courage and save lives – yours, your team's, your business's and those of everyone you impact in your community.
Molly L. Hall, Co-Founder, Lawyers with Purpose, LLC, and author of Don’t Be a Yes Chick: How to Stop Babysitting Your Boss, Transform Your Job and Work with a Dream Team Without Losing Your Sanity or Your Spirit in the Process.
